TPTB TV: The Iger Sanction

(Cold open) Interior of a busy television studio, about to go on the air. There’s a set of a wood paneled room with floor-to-ceiling bookcases. A fireplace crackles. A distinguished-looking man in a smoking jacket puts down a brandy snifter and faces the camera.

“Hello, I’m David Mamet. Plenty of people call me the greatest living American playwright, and obviously they are the only ones whose opinions matter. The producers have asked me to explain this new show to you. It’s a satire” (he takes a deep swig of brandy) “called The Powers That Be. What’s so special about it?” (Mamet refills his glass and takes another deep swig) “It’s the show that ‘they’ can’t cancel!”

He tosses the empty bottle away. “Because half the people in it have already been canceled! And the rest of us will be by the end of the show…” (From outside the studio, we hear an angry mob banging on the doors.)

“…provided we can hold them off that long!”

(TPTB Series animated title logotype) (Sound of rappers chanting)

The Powers…That Be! The Powers…That Be!

On screen, TPTB appears as giant animated letters in front of a mountain range, like the Hollywood sign.

Fade in. To the theme music of Walt Disney’s Wonderful World of Color:

The world is a carousel of power…Wonderful, ultimate power!

On a darkened stage, under a brilliant red neon sign that reads, The Powers That Be, a middle-aged man with a mustache, once as familiar as a favorite uncle, steps into a spotlight. “Hi, I’m Walt Disney. As you know, I died in 1966. As you can imagine, I’ve been spending a lot of time lately turning over in my grave. Tonight, I’m going to introduce you to a promising new sketch show that claims it will lampoon the absurdly self-important lives of our elite masters!”

The room lights on the set come up and Walt strides briskly over to a wall-sized map of a theme park shaped like a four-leaf clover. “These are the worlds of The Powers That Be: Moneyland, Medialand, Government City, and Academia.” He waves a pointer as he talks. “Tonight’s episode takes place in Medialand. Our story brings us to a place I knew well.” He has a twinkle in his eye.

(Drum roll) (Announcer) Now, let’s meet the so-called “media god” who holds the throne of today’s Disney, and you’ll see why we call our Ricochet version (Music climax. Drum roll)

The IGER Sanction!

Tinkerbell flies in and makes the image disappear with a flash of a magic wand.

Fade in after a break. Announcer: “Chairman of the Walt Disney Company. Director of the Disney Entertainment group. Supreme decider and tastemaker of the world’s largest seller of family entertainment. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Robert Iger!”

Iger is in his palatial office, on a Zoom call to Wall Street bankers and stockbrokers. They aren’t happy. “You told us wokeness wasn’t going to hurt the bottom line! What happened?” Iger squirms in his seat. “Controversy is box office, right?” he says.

“No! We only wanted the kind of controversy that people will agree with and pay to see!” The hundred faces of Wall Street crammed into the Zoom screen sneer at Iger. “These losses. Bob! They’re horrendous! Unprecedented! Positively obscene! You’re losing a hundred million dollars a picture! When you’re lucky! How do you explain this?”

“We make it up on volume!” Iger frantically motions to a shelf of tapes behind him. “They may be awful flops, sure…but you can’t deny that there are a lot of them!”

“How long will it take you to turn this around?” Iger has a rehearsed response. “The second quarter of 2025,” he says confidently. The Wall Streeters confer among themselves and return to the call to reply. “We’ll give you ten minutes.”

Bob Iger stands up and strikes a leadership pose. “Then that’s all we need. We’ve got a musical way of explaining our one and only strategy—identity politics! Hit it, boys.”

(Upbeat percussive urban music) A multicultural song and dance troupe takes the stage in front of a stylized campus scene, “Academia.” Costumed as grungy students, they dance in through the portals of The Happiest Place on Earth. They are instantly transformed into expensively dressed Disney bureaucrats, all doing the same step, dancing to the same tune, set to the opening theme of In Living Color. Their boast:

Make ‘em mad and you don’t care who,Screw the opponents you want to screw,No one protests what you’re going to do,(Chorus) Divisive color!

Bob Iger jumps to his feet, and with surprising agility, he’s soon dancing to the new beat, falling into easy synchronization with the college radical crowd. He reaches out to them.

I’ll make sure that you win every fight,If woke’s not a joke then our futures are bright,I’m a rich white man who can sleep well at night,(Chorus) Divisive Color!

Iger grins and waves them on through the instrumental solo while Wall Street watches over Zoom. Even some top corporate boards are starting to dance to the beat. But they’re all caught by surprise at the unexpected response from dissatisfied, angry parents, flooding out of overpriced theaters and theme parks. Black and white factions unite, filling the sides of the stage and pointing fingers at Iger.

We’re so blue ‘cause you don’t think throughYour nasty policies are going to do,Your ‘well-intentioned’ arrows just shoot us right through,(Chorus) Divisive color!

The groups of dancers begin converging on Iger menacingly. He frantically looks to escape, but his other paths are blocked. He makes an impressive run straight up a wall, but falls back into the angry arms of his employees, who toss him over to frustrated stockholders. Everyone’s closing in on Bob Iger. He pleads for understanding:

I’m not the villain you think I am,Not long ago, you called me friend,Some dumb ideas made good things end

But mere moments before anything unseemly might happen to Bob Iger, the dancers all freeze motion for the final chorus–

Divisive Color!

(Station break) (Local station announcer) This is Channel 76, carrying the Ricochet Invisible Television network broadcast of The Powers That Be. Remember to tune in early Sunday for RIT’s Holy Writ. And now, back to our program.

(TPTB Series animated title logotype) (Sound of rappers chanting)

The Powers…That Be! The Powers…That Be!

Announcer: “And now we hear from the post’s author.” The author and the interviewer are unseen, off camera, while we watch the studio crew set up for the next segment.

“As prototypes, the TV show The Good Place and Albert Brooks’ film Defending Your Life are both set in a matter-of-fact, present-day, reassuringly normal heaven or a heavenlike something-or-other with power over the mortal world. I thought, why can’t a conservative play with that premise?”

(Unseen interviewer) What did the studios say to that?

“They threw us out of the office.”

Fade in. To the theme music of Walt Disney’s Wonderful World of Color:

“America is a grappling ground of Color! Born with it, lives with it, Color!”

“I’m James McEachin, proud American, black man, actor, author, and Korean War veteran. I’m here tonight to talk about the hero of my favorite Disney film of 1995. Incidentally, this is the only TV program that will openly discuss our strange national aversion to a certain “N word.” (Glenn Loury and John McWhorter look up in alarm.)

(Will Smith shakes his head.) “Uh, Jimmy Mack, you know there’s a time and place, and this is not the time or the place…”

“Well, I’m sorry, Will, but it’s a word, not a curse, and I’m going to say it out loud—

Nixon!

That’s right! You heard me! I said Nixon! Say amen, somebody!”

(In the background, seen on a monitor in the darkened studio, a clip of President Nixon giving a gracious tribute to Duke Ellington in 1969.)

(Kanye West suddenly breaks into the broadcast. Emphatic close-up.) “Say his name! Say it out loud! Richard Nixon!”

(Will shakes his head in mock horror) “If you’re going to use language like that, I’m gone. I can’t afford the controversy. Fade to black. Or blacker. Or something.”

Title: The Critics Speak! A page of Variety, the business “Bible” of showbiz, whirls up to the screen. It’s a review of the show we are watching, The Powers That Be. Zoom in on the words. “TPTB takes us behind the scenes as omnipotent but inept public figures somehow stumble through one failed PR campaign after another…” (forlorn trumpet flourish)

The image whirls away, replaced by a zoom-in on a TV review in The New Republic. “The conservative jokesters of TPTB appear to have no human empathy…” (bolder twin trumpet flourish)

Topped by a headline quote from the Washington Post: “Vile From New York, it’s The Powers That Be!” (supremely proud trumpet flourish)

Abrupt cut to a live camera. Two chairs are hurriedly pushed into the picture by stagehands. Two women seat themselves and are miked up by a technician. One is actress Stacey Dash. Candace Owens leads off.

“This is sort of an improvisation, because tonight’s show ran short. Stacey and I were here to rehearse next week’s show, so they stuck us on camera. So, uh, Stacey, what are we doing next week?”

“Did you ever see a comedy, Hollywood Shuffle? 1987. Black director was also the star, Robert Townsend. He plays a dishwasher at a take-out place in south central Los Angeles. He fantasizes that a secret control room of white conspirators is stopping at nothing to deny him a promotion to fry cook. We’re going to take you behind the scenes of that control room.”

(Owens laughs) “At last we’ll see it! There really are people who would believe it.”

“That’s right. We hope it’ll become a running gag. Did we fill the time yet?” (Dash gives the camera a mock challenging scowl.) “White people used to plan their shows better. Johnny, Jay, Letterman. They all got off the air on time.” (A stagehand gestures to Candace. “Ten seconds, Ms. Owens.” Suddenly, she’s formal again.)

“Next week, Louis CK! Gina Carano! J.K. Rowling! And our musical guest, Eric Clapton! Goodnight, everybody!”

(Credit roll begins) (Music outro: “Divisive Color” rap)

(Announcer) “This program was typed before a live audience. The Powers That Be is satirical fiction. All celebrity names, characterizations, and dialog are completely made up. Ricochet Invisible Television is a registered trademark of Ricochet Silent Radio, and both comply with the honor code of AIM, the Academy of Imaginary Media. RSR and RIT, being utterly imaginary, have no business connection with Ricochet, Inc., its owners or subsidiary entities. This comedy series originated in the comments section of a post, Why Bother, by @omegapaladin.”

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